Being in love is a chemical process in your brain that resembles the use of XTC. Just like the drugs, it is not really healthy and the choices made in this blurry state are often not exactly the very best in your life.
But it's so nice. It feels so good!
What is love actually?
Love comes in many shapes and forms. The love that feels like infatuation is actually a chemical reaction in the brain. We get palpitations, sweaty hands and butterflies in our stomach. Professor of physiology Jan Hindrik Ravesloot distinguishes three phases in a love relationship:
1.Sex drive
"From a biological perspective, we are on earth to reproduce," says Ravesloot about that first phase. “Sex drive is driven by testosterone. That motivates people to enter into sexual relations. That is a very strong drive.”
2. love
And then we fall in love. Our bodies release all kinds of substances that cause a chain of chemical reactions. The effect is comparable to someone who uses ecstasy or cocaine: a floating feeling of pleasure, happiness and euphoria.
3. Pairing
Ravesloot: ,,Infatuation is an extremely absorbing period in which you exhibit addictive behavior. You crave your partner. You want to see each other again and again, because it's the most amazing state your body can be in."
Clear thinking, however, is no longer there. Eating, sleeping, working or having a normal conversation with your friends becomes difficult. You'r on cloud 9 and nothing is gonna bring you down.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, infatuation always passes. On average, it takes 3 to 38 months and after that your pink glasses turn white again. Only one in twenty people can hold onto a crush. For most, it dies out and grows into something we call love. There is connection and trust and you feel safe there.
Love is about three things:
Intimacy
Dedication
Sexuality
You trust each other with your deepest fears, wishes, needs and life goals and help each other achieve those goals. The hormones oxytocin and vasopressin ensure that people stay together, they are the well-known cuddle and bonding hormones.
In order to find a partner that really suits you, it is important to know what you are looking for. The singles who are in love with being in love will remain alone. The partner that suits you is the person who makes you fall in love with yourself. The person who makes you feel great about yourself is the person who makes you happy.
My advice is always: I don't want to know what you think of your date, I want to know what you think of yourself next to your match. Do you feel smart / beautiful / funny / etc. then you should see each other again.
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