When we think of a big ego, we often think of arrogant show offs who are in love with themselves, but often the opposite is true. The men/women who drive a car too big, often do this to compensate something they're insecure about.
After making the Artemis Love Scan, I always have an evaluation with my client to discuss this and to explain where necessary. This is necessary because sometimes on paper it comes across differently than I meant or I am not explained clearly enough.
In my client's scan, it was described under BEWARE OF: 'Beware of the sweet and gentle man who is actually a bit insecure. He finds your strength attractive and he admires you, but he does not have much to offer you. He wants to lean on you but you can't lean on him. He has a big ego and seeks a lot of validation. At first he gets that by being with you but eventually he becomes insecure of your strength.'
contradictory
This came across as contradictory to my client. How can someone have a big ego and be insecure at the same time?
In 'Addicted to Love', Jan Geurtz explains the origin of the ego, I limit myself in this blog to a brief explanation that I also gave to my customer this morning.
What's an ego?
The ego is a reaction, a reflex to self-protection. Often unconsciously but very competent. The moment we find ourselves in a situation of uncertainty, we protect ourselves by making ourselves bigger and more untouchable. Some of us try to belittle the other one in order to make themselves feel better.
“So you have a new car? Hmm, a bit of a bad brand, don't you think?"
Others will ask for confirmation by telling you how well they did something and checking with you to see if you saw it.
“Have you seen my new car? He can do 150 miles per hour.” In the box: I have, therefore I am.
The greater the uncertainty, the stronger the reflex to compensate for an insecure feeling.
My client is a woman who is approachable and warm, yet powerful and independent at the same time. A man with a big ego will become insecure about her and either belittle her or want to outdo her.
Describing him in this way, helps her recognize him better. Red flags for her are men who seek a lot of confirmation and men who admire her. She would rather find a man who respects her instead of admiring her.
Connection instead of struggle
Playing up the ego is an unconscious process, once aware of this behavior you can never not see it again. The insecurity felt is often unjustified and is linked to a childhood fear or belief. Processing this also resolves the uncertainty and thus also the reflex. The ego then makes way for contact and connection.
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