What is your relationship with relationships? There are love relationships, friendships, work relationships and of course there's family. In every relationship you have a certain role with certain responsibilities, or differently spoken, you occupy a certain space. How much space is there for you in the relationship and how does that make you feel? What space do you want to occupy and what role do you no longer wish to fulfill?
the Standard
Society weighs heavily on our relationship with relationships. The norm still is: a man is in a relationship with a woman and they have two children together. Of course there’s nothing wrong with this standard and for many people this is a situation in which they feel happy and complete, but this does not apply to everyone. Not everyone wants to get into a relationship. Not everyone is straight and not everyone wants to have children. Yet as a society, aware or unaware, we believe that everyone should meet the standard.
We see someone who is single as incomplete. We think you should be with someone. And if you are in a relationship, we prefer it’s a relationship that we understand: a father, a mother and two children. Gay relationships are tolerated by the society and we are quite proud of ourselves tolerating them. As if gay people need our approval. Or a marriage between a man and a woman with only one child. We don't understand that very well. “Please explain, why only one? Wasn’t it possible to have two?”
Imposition out of love
The imposition of a standard is actually done out of love. We feel happy and comfortable in a certain situation and we want you to feel this good as well. However, we ignore the fact that we are different and have different needs.
You can compare it to sharing holiday tips. You had a great time in that hut on a mountain in Nepal with a spiritual experience and the most beautiful sunrise you have ever seen. But someone who prefers to go to an all-inclusive resort in Turkey will not understand your happiness. Respect each others preferences and embrace your own.
Just be you
Whatever relationship you’re in, the only relationship that really matters is the relationship with yourself. If you truly value yourself, it's easy to stay true to yourself. You always take up just enough space in a relationship and only take on the roles you want. You don't have to prove yourself but you can just be.
To be or not to be, that’s the question.
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