A very plausible statement, but how does this rhyme with unconditional love? Because if you have to get back the same as what you give, then love has become conditional with this, right? In love, can we expect to get back what we give?
To answer this question, we must put it differently: "What must you sow in order to reap?" What does it cost you to give and what does it get you? Actually a simple cost-benefit analysis, but when it comes to love, this unfortunately cannot be expressed in numbers. In order to make this analysis, I ask myself: 'Am I doing this out of fear or love?'
Compass of fear & love
Psychologist Jentien Keijzer often uses the 'fear-love compass' in her work, which is based on a message from the book: 'An unusual conversation with God' by Neale Donald Walsh. In it he states:
“All our personal actions arise at the deepest level from one of these two emotions: love or fear. Every thought, emotion or act is based on one of these two. There is no other motivation and all other ideas are just variations on one of these two themes.”
Take a look at yourself when you make a choice. Are you doing this because you like it, because you really want to? Or are you doing this because you are afraid that something else (not) will happen?
A wonderful example that Jentien Keijzer gives is:
Imagine you send your loved one a message with the words "I love you" in it. What is your motive then? Are you sending these words because you would like to receive something in return? Do you want to check whether your loved one is responding to this? Are you looking for confirmation? Or do you just want to give your loved one something, do you want to share how much love you feel?
Is giving better than receiving?
In a life together, the tasks are never divided 50-50, so the right question to ask yourself is why you do something. To make it more clear, I also compare it to giving a gift. If you're buying a gift for someone and you find something super fitting and original, it's actually more fun to give than to receive. This is also how it works in love. Everyone deserves to receive what he/she gives, preferably a little more. However, you only receive what you give when you give out of love. If your intrinsic motivation is to do something you really want, then it is never someone else's fault that you have to do what you do and it doesn't feel like giving. Then giving a gift to the other person is actually also a gift to yourself. And then the love you take is equal to the love you make. Or as Paul McCartney put it so beautifully: 'In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make'. Do you have a lot of love to give but you are not with someone? Please feel free to contact me, maybe I can help you look at it from a different angle.
